if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
