This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
