just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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