allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We need to get me chipped asap
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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