I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
