I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
