I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
