dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
