wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
