pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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