I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You can't special order awesome
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
