I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
