it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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