Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
