im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
