i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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