I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I enjoy the company of your penis
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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