Do you still have your period?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
