It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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