u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
