You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
