I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
