Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
