Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
