Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
