This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
