I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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