We won't sleep together?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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