Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
