Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
