I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
