Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
