You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
