I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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