just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
