I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
