he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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