we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Jerry, you need to find god
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
