someone owes me an orgasm
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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