I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
