I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
