Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
