NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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