I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didn't shave. On purpose
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
