Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
