he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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