how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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