I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
