just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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