I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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